I wait and watch, prowling my terrain, when I roar my subjects quake in their boots . I see my enemy and pounce, there are no guilt stricken thoughts only submission, my captive listens in fear of the ferocious female and her powerful words.
I will be honest my weakest trait is that I am no more a wild beast than the domestic kitty chasing a leaf on my deck, this hot windy day.
I was born one of the middle children in a family of nine. Two brothers and six sisters. For me this was quite normal, folks out at San Isidore had ten, eleven or even fifteen kids in their families. It wasn’t until I got to high school I realized our neighborhood was top-heavy with blessed children.
I also learned in high school that I was a passive shy person. I did not like to stir the pot or make enemies. I remember wishing I could be more ferocious. A wild cat, one my class mates would respect and maybe even fear. It never happened.
Recently I caught up with my old school friends, after twenty odd years of little or no connections. The amusing thing is no one had changed that drastically. Sure, we had extra wrinkles and maybe some added wisdom. Yet I could see the girl sparkle in each face and if I closed my eyes and listened to them laughing and making jokes I was fifteen again. The photo’s came out and there I sat at the local Chinese restaurant wearing a powder blue dress, shell earrings with matching necklace and a half-smile. That shy girl has come a long way, but I doubt she will ever learn to roar.
Yesterday I had two incidents in a row on the phone where people who were supplying a service, were rude for no reason, other than boredom of their monotonous jobs. I got off the phone angry, yet had not shown my ill-will whilst speaking to them.
Sometimes I envy those who can speak their minds no matter the cost. I look over that fence and dream of being on the other side. Braver and stronger somehow. I have noticed over the years when people know you are an easy-going soul you tend to receive opinions without asking for them. You find yourself sitting on the fence while others fight for their cause. I accepted who I am, a long time ago. I could not belittle or shout down the phone at these people, it just isn’t me.
Love your enemies, set them free…….
I will be fifty in October I think it is safe to say I will never change. When I look at my mother she is the same. She is also graceful and sweet, she admits the shyness came from her. I look down the line and my daughter is this way too. I found a short piece in her baby diary written in my father’s firm hand.
You are a gentle soul here to care for the ones in need of gentleness.
She has an amazing gift of patience and caring for others in need. She is more than okay with who she is and does not feel the need to be anything else.
Over the years I have come to terms with who I am, the daydreaming story weaver. I am a sensitive creature who notices the suffering of others. I’m a shoulder to cry on or a person who can laugh about life. I can speak my peace through the written word, yet I am happy being silent. I have no mind for arguments…..thats me.
How about you?
Tell me if you have a trait that you wish you could change? I would love to know more about you.