If Only

If only I could see

I hope you are happy there? If only I could sit and tell you about all the things you have missed. Introduce you to my children the ones you never met. I would say I’m sorry brother, I did not know you were suffering this much. You mentioned a black cloud that followed you sometimes but I never understood it, until after I lost you.

You are my younger sibling I was supposed to look out for you. I love you and miss you every day, your joking silly ways, that sparkle in your eye. Your passion for sport and your witty mind, your generosity especially to your sisters (Can I borrow your car?). Oh how I wish I knew what you were thinking and feeling . I found out later you said…

“Sometimes even in a crowded room full of  my big  family (eight siblings) I feel so alone…”

if only (copy)

Artwork by Kath Unsworth

I never understood until you left us…….If only I could see, even with all that love surrounding you, you did not want to burden us with your clouds, I wish you had….we only put the pieces together after.

We cannot turn back the clock. The years have gone by but you never age, still the same healthy young man in the photos. If only we could have felt your REAL pain. You were the master at hiding the darkness and now you are GONE but never forgotten.

I want a world that can nod and say I understand it! I am  aware of depression and its effects on everyone it touches. I will try to be more understanding of others.

I want to share a poem I wrote for my brother and for all those who suffer know that you are NOT alone.

Ask yourself.

Ask yourself if tomorrow exists?

Can you ride out the hurt, try and persist.

Tell yourself one day, then two.

Life is a gift, the pain will diffuse.

What if? What if?

You could turn it around.

Come out from the shadows, let the sun warm your face.

Talk to somebody, find your peace in the race.

What if? What if ?

You could turn it around.

Today might be hopeless, yet life finds new ground.

Promise yourself one thing I pray.

What if? What if?

You could see another day.

By Kath Unsworth

for my brother Pat who I miss every day.

My nephew Dean (Songwriter/Artist) wrote this song I hope you listen to it, I think it says it all the song is inspired by my poem.

You can find Deans music here. Check out Primary Colours, I love it!

1513718_373164196154293_1360645014_n

https://soundcloud.com/dmengl/sets/primary-quiet-ones

Music has the power to sooth the soul especially when you are hurting.

I’m sharing my space with many today…isn’t that what we  need to do to connect this world to people in need? I need to thank my friend Lotta who inspired this post half way across the world we connected over a subject that knows no boundaries. She has written a post close to my heart which inspired me to write my story. It is a powerful piece, I would love you to visit and read her words too.

http://wp.me/p2LMsg-ln

She is a writer and an amazing poet. Yes I am asking so much of you today, it is a worthy cause my friends it could make the difference in someone’s mood and choices for life.

PLEASE SHARE MY WORDS AND DEAN’S SONG

If you know someone having a blue day or you are there under that cloud do not give up. TALK and never stop! Here is another brilliant website if you need help.

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Lets see another day together and the next and the next……..

 

About Minuscule Moments

Everybody has a DREAM. Today is the first day of the rest of my writing life. Its a lonely world out there when you are learning the craft. This year, as the same as last year, I want to finish my first children's picture book. I have learn't many wonderful lessons on this journey. You are never too old to learn.
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64 Responses to If Only

  1. I’m sorry you lost someone so dear to you. Depression is an insidious disease that’s too often least understood by the person suffering. Yes, they know they’re suffering, but they too often don’t realize that thinking about their suffering is exactly what the disease wants them to do. It slowly collapses their world, squeezing their life away and pulling them further away from those who might help. It almost had me several times and on one occasion I was but a breath away from my last breath. So, yes, I stood at the edge where your brother stood, but on that precipice a miracle caused me to hesitate. Please don’t allow his “what ifs” to consume you or blame to dwell in your mind, for the life he had taken from him (yes, taken) wouldn’t want you to go to those places. You’re the guardian of his memory, let it be a special spark in your life. Celebrate the world for him.

    • Christina you understand where he was and I am inspired by you because you fight the fight and bravely look it in the face and call it what it is…..we must keep talking about it. I love him and remember the good times we had so many and I live life for both of us friend.

  2. Oh, Kath. What a post. I am also the older sister to a dark cloud carrying younger brother, and while my brother is still alive, there are moments when I wonder how long he will be. He suffers from depression, but is also being treated for bipolar, which he doesn’t believe he has. I worry for him, but in our case, there is not much I can do to help him specifically, because we have never been close. Our relationship is civil now, but hasn’t always been. I love him from afar, and wish him well, but I can’t help him. I can’t reach him. Please know I speak only for myself and my brother, not for you and yours. My heart goes out to you for this deep loss, because it seems to me, that losing a close family member is a wound that can not ever fully heal.

    • Dana there is a stage where we cannot do anymore but pray for our loved ones. I pray your Brother finds his way and a miracle works its way into his world he is not alone, there are so many who suffer. Thinking of you.

  3. Sal says:

    i read this on a day I was feeling blue, I hope anyone having a blue day reads this on that day, it’s a definite source of hope

  4. Sheila says:

    What a beautiful song. I’m so sorry and wish I could take your pain away or at least give you a hug. I think your song will inspire others to keep on. It’s true that we never know when things might turn around. xo

  5. gatito2 says:

    Beautiful post and beautiful song.

  6. Mary says:

    Beautiful indeed.

  7. Subhan Zein says:

    I want a world that can nod and say I understand it! I am aware of depression and its effects on everyone it touches. I will try to be more understanding of others.
    ====
    That’s a very important message we all need to learn. Thank you for sharing.Blessings and love to you ♥

  8. mrsgillies says:

    The song was beautiful.

  9. mrsgillies says:

    Reblogged this on Reading For The Masses and commented:
    A beautiful tribute on the effects of depression. You must listen to the song.

  10. leamuse says:

    A loving tribute. I haven’t a clue what it would be like to have such a family having lived in foster care…
    I’m afraid mere words fail at such a loss.
    bisous et calins
    léa

    • Thank you each year it hurts less but the pain of missing him never leaves me. My family are my rock I was lucky to live in a house where my parents spread their love across all nine children but when you suffer depression sadly sometimes love is not enough and my brother admitted in a crowded room full of loving people sometimes he still felt alone…..that in itself still tears at my very soul but all I can do is live a blessed happy life for both of us.

  11. arun says:

    it’s very great….its very helpful…definitely i will share it to my friends…

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