If there was a certificate for time wasting, it would be hanging on my wall. Top of my class 2017. When I read my last post I was on fire. WHAT HAPPENED?
It seems the winter frosts have placed my creativity into a deep slumber. Walking past my art room a giant canvas glares back at me. Three white cockatoo’s flying high across a red, magenta and orange sky. Only its incomplete. The customer has given me the permission to take my time, (NOT GOOD) its taking way too long. I promise to get to it but the days seem to drop off, one by one and it never gets done.
I scan my desktop, opening a file that I can’t remember starting. There I discover the half written scratchings of a possible blog post dated back in May. It never quite formed in my brain or made it onto the page. Line drawings of birds sit waiting for a splash of colour and some detail to bring them to life for the market stall. The picture book sits gathering dust on the work bench. (I know you have heard it all before in my newsletters. Along with my not-so-helpful tips on keeping on track). Numerous attempts at my cover illustration and a total of zero designs made it to the rendering pile. Time does not wait, whilst I procrastinate over each image and if its good enough. My motivation that I bragged about in April had vanished.
It’s like someone hit the stop button on my creative drive. I guess its a kind of blockage similar to writers block. Frozen on a different timeline these ideas and dreams sit waiting for me to return. I imagine if this was someone else’s workshop I had stumbled upon ……. what would I say about all this unfinished business.
I would say to me.
“You silly woman! you are almost finished that vibrant painting, get it done. And please no more excuses on why the picture book is not ready! Just get the last few illustrations finished and go back to your cover later. Get that picture book ready for printing. Wake up Kath time is precious.”
But the other practical side of me would reply……
“Im sorry I never realised taking on a part-time job would do such damage to our creative activities. Life gets in the way. This has to be the longest time I have gone without writing or creating anything. It’s not a good feeling, its like a part of me simply went on a holiday.”
The thing is my gorgeous husband has been putting money away for the print costs for my book. He believes in the beauty of my dreams why can’t I? There are no more excuses left. I am going to self publish with Balboa Press and sell signed copies at my local art market stall (the dream). You would think it would motivate, but instead something is stopping me from doing the last few pages. The fear of failure indeed, but we all go through this.
To my credit I was out in the real world learning new things. Not creative skills but still challenging my middle-aged brain. Learning karate, which has blown my mind and stretched a few tired muscles I can tell you. Learning the ins-and-outs of my part-time position at the a local department store.
I wish time would stay put, as I work out the new areas of my day for creativity. Finding a balance between work, kids, life and keeping my dreams alive. Now I find myself with five months of this glorious year left to get it done.
The awareness of this may get me through, that and the fact I gave myself a serious hammering in this post.
Don’t let the rest of this year get away from you. Get out there and do the thing you dream of doing, do it today. Im happy to say after writing this post I finished the painting and now its time to illustrate the rest of the book. (To be honest, I wrote this part before finishing art so it would motivate me). It worked!
Feel free to share any tips. Anything on pushing through the last barriers of my work in progress, (i.e long awaited picture book).
As I sit here on the first frostless winters morn, sipping a coffee on the deck. A warm breeze reaches me. The promise of spring brings a feeling of endless possibilities to come.
NOW GET TO WORK Kath!